And a heart beat

Wish I could,

The gatherings haunt me.

These trees sing songs,

Thoughts that make me fear,

Fear that makes a heart beat!

Wish that I could,

Stop a feeling that grows,

This trust rings bells,

Bells that I wished to hear,

A feeling and s heart beat.

Why, but i drink,

The truth but it stays,

The truth it always is,

And that makes me afraid,

For love and a heart beat !

drunk

A dizzy feeling.

A drunken feeling,

I am not , I never was,

But I feel , but I sing,

When i never heard the song that was before.

A lonely feeling,

A drunken feeling,

You never said, I was never,

But I felt and yet I sing,

That song , which I always felt and I wonder.

You went away,

And you never were,

I never told, I never wept.

But we are away , and I sing,

That song, I never sang that was always before.

Walking dreamy eyed...

(This post is in continuation to Sunset at rum point and I chose what I am to be)

I have been walking dreamy eyed in the quiet desolation of isolated shores.Why I ask myself? Does the mist speak of something? Why does it speak so soft? The sun is hidden. The moist sands tug at my feet and yet I walk. It would be nice to lie down. To stop searching and retire to a quiet living. So peaceful it would be. But yet I search.

The beauty of solitude.

Ah when did any one ever describe.

The destitution of the hermit,

Why do these winds not heed !!

So they say solitude has its beauty.Why then do we run? Why do the dark paths lead us into retirement? Ever does man run away into coves of comfort; afraid to face the paths alone.Beauty lay in those paths. But we of the craven hearts, balk of it. Incomprehensible beauty is frightening. More so when the end presents itself not.We stop and proceed not. But beauty has its ways The longer you are on the road ,the more you see; the path stretches yet more.What is beauty, if it can be compiled in word, written down in songs , etched down in memories. True beauty lay in the paths. The longer you go , the closer you are. But never there !

The days we tell ourselves we are there, we see naught but an illusion. The mirage of beauty attained.A lie. For this road never ends. For the joy of beauty lay not in comprehension. The bliss of beauty, lay not in atonement and fear. Unfathomable beauty never ends and so does its pursuit.Though we lie in mouldy graves and time wash over us, but in those paths where we walk, the shades of beauty ever lies with us within.

Let these mists close. Let these paths unfold. Let this sun rise and set. These winds , may they houl. Let those gods you hold dear, turn deaf. O how the world may laugh. The beauty, but eludes. It beckons; but those that stand true.

I crave not to be wise; for when did wise ever walk in paths of the destitute. I strive not to be loved , for the loved make houses. I strive not to be hated; for they the people are always around. May this path ever lead on. May this wayfarer never stop.

Amen.

To You

Lekhiba lagi chanhe na chanhe ....

kichi kahi kichi rahi jai....

Tate kichi kahibaku chanhe...

kana kahibi....

Seithi hi katha rahi jai....

Kichi katha nahin,

Na mu acchi......

NA tu..

To saange mu...

Tu nahun mu kauthi ...

Bahut bada bada ei duniya...

chhota chhota kichi katha...

janini kemiti kana kahibi

..kahe na kahe...

Mu acchi...

Au kana kahibi...

Ghosts

Too far do these star lie

Far for me to feel the depth;

Walls I can climb ,but love,

How can one mar this death!

These winds do of a tale sing

of those nights,myriad dreams;

Nights I may belie my love,

Memories do wear ,it seems !

Pebbles do these waves wash,

the rocks yet stand still;

marks we made,my love,

But marks even do waves heal!

Faith may lose;hope stands

but with a silent will;

I have closed my eyes,love,

Seems the ghosts stand still !

Straying away

Contemplation is a sin.It brings up questions that take you nowhere.

Oblivion for a change would be bliss.You soak in a state of thoughtlessness.The worries of existence were never farther.Those inhibitions are shed.Them , the layers and facades cease from their deceiving existence.How you wish everybody would see you then !How you wish to be loved!There the long lost smile returns.

You return to being the same child.There you start appreciating the fact that everybody around you was in fact made for you.Then you know that you are the one that the universe revolves around.Remembrance flows.Those smells , those flowers and those memories flood back.

You know the child you missed all these years lay dormant within.It was just that you built walls such high that the child within cant scale them.Let him through.You will see the child appreciates a lot more than you do.So very childish these thoughts are.

Again wasn't it me who said contemplation is a sin, you can ill afford.Go back to your existence.

One night at hustler's Part 1

I concede I feel tongue tied with the irrational female species of humanity, but vocal infirmity is a new low I may have to contend for myself.Here we are acting normal in a not so normal place.The heights of ineptitude is trying to look not like a person who frequents this place.In the due course I was proven to be a Hustler virgin due to being normal.Huh that's a nice epithet to get from a girl who seems to take joy in my condition.She didn't give me moments of respite throughout is needless to say.


Okay here I am with my JD and ice, acting non-wide eyed with the girl gradually undressing at the pole.How normal ! Acting interested in the folk who goggle wide eyed would label me something unwarranted.So I am forced to gaze on screen.'Your friend seems quiet',drifts into my aural sense.Thank goodness I can listen!Too happy with the achievement I miss the rest of the conversation. That smile puts me back to my peg and ahem my place.Hello give me some more time.Time I mean without you on my knees with a most comforting view.Easy tiger!(Tiger huh ..what an inspiring name)


She drifts off and I find that I can breathe too.After so scintillating a encounter, other scantily clad , well versed specimens come parading.I am at my devastating best.Crude and brunt replies are what I pride myself in.So the first wave subsides.But relentlessness is something we need to learn from our better halves.The next wave makes me wonder.Here comes the alter of Socrates.The artificiality makes me sick.The fake lines.The praise of grisly creatures.But hello Socrates , if you wanted a fair conversation why not try out a normal place.I feel enlightened.Buddha must have felt the same; on an entirely different plane though.

So I have decided to take the plunge.My arch nemesis is back.This time talking buisness.For heaven sakes damn you girl.Don't you realise with your clothes you make me so uncomfortable ! I decide that talking with eyes would be the safest option.I nod my head.Anyways I was pretty unsure of my vocal chords responding to my distressed call.I choose another girl.Did I choose or went with the flow.Heh that is for you to decide!
Hand in hand or should I say cheek on cheek i march to the temple of insanity or should I say ....
To be continued.....

The sands...

Never wanted to walk this sunset alone,
Never to walk roads that stretch so long,
What if choices were made in heaven,
On this cold beach you and me along.

What the winds blow to this shore,
We dream not to the day that dawns,
But of this night that grows so long,
I keep but memories to walk alone.

Incomplete..WIP

Three lines to heaven

This day I cross the rain washed bridge,
I feel not the stream that flows beneath.

This day I pass the burned brick house,
I feel not the fire that burns within.

This day I row with lost broken paddles,
I feel not the ripples in my dream.

That day.......

The hills have a silent will,
These winds will not let me be,
Walls I see but would they fall,
How can the blind find a way.

A will is a way , they say,
But these paths do not lead,
Nor do hedges, wills heed;
Oft the heart finds a way.

With winds may minds sway,
Smiles glisten the eyes grey,
Some tales are better lost,
Some lives better this way.

A song and the night

A reason to live,

Is it so hard to find?

Talking to self, wandering about,

Restless ,listless,

And forbidden moments I've left behind.

They now whisper,

My thoughts speak to me,

Seeking the way, speaking asides,

Countless, speechless,

Ghosts I see, a deep frost in me.

Rhythm now deserts,

And those words I forget,

What is faith or was it hope,

Faithless ,Reckless,

A song and a day are but long to forget.

Fool of the bargain

False the heavens have been,
Your gods , they lie ,
A summer but I have seen.
A few doors away I was,
Or was I so far,
Yes I looked the other way,
Yes I fought another war.
But the day a man looks back,
All to naught been shrunk,
All the houses bought,
That day he knows,
The value of a wink
And a second thought.
The doors are now barred,
In graves the past interred.
Off winter do heart's flee,
And the lonenly heart sings,
No fires do my eyes see,
In cold do I sleep without,
Yes I have paid my fee.

Winter stays

Winter stays,
The change in winds long past,
Sunny days a way of the graves,
Long will these days last.

Thaw beckons,
But as oft as strangers knocked,
Few have mine threshold crossed,
Those they did stay,
In bowels of cold their names lie.
With dreams of spring , I sing;
Till that day my heart and I die.
Emotions do not a cold blade blunt,
A price in blood does this frost take,
All thats left is a name and a fake.
Bound by faith, maimed by love,
Veins in stone does the winter carve,
But in hopes of the thaw I starve.
Winter Stays.

That girl in blue

I have tried running on roads,

I know, that lead back to you.

Words I have said painful and brazen,

When the soul's beholden to you.

You have been in pain,

My eyes were closed,

And I have seen nothing.

You said,but I was blind within,

You cried,was I there to listen?

And you knew, and I kept lying!

Late it is but my heart is true,

Pain is it or feelings, I never knew,

But I still love that girl in blue,

The one they say with eyes like you.

Abandoned

The pain in the voice had someone felt,

Fall from grace, a day was ,hope wept,

Modesty, why art thou so close to the heart!

Behind quiet faces are such depths kept.

Strength corrupts but does weakness melt,

The price of honor of humanity bereft,

A day was it or providence so cold,

In the heart of man,the ugly animal left.

For I overheard dead men tell no tales,

Of lechery, the school of vile art,

In the arms of despair, hope pales,

Wanton abandon was my part.

On providence

Thoughts I have had, past and clear,
Blunders done ,scars I now bear,
Leaves have fallen, riding the fall,
Hating the dreams, heeding the call.
How I wish, you could see me now,
Walking the dreams, feeling the droll.
Someone wake me, please ask me now.
Procrastination,darkness was my call.
Listening to reason, failing to heed,
Blind to the signs, doubt to breed,
Searching, craving for what was mine,
Behind closed walls, the mist and wine.
How I wish,we were never apart,
Without the dark, love in the heart,
Oh I have but a life to remember,
A lonely grave and a life to depart.

Steps

What is it to see people grow !
Then you wonder at heart if it is so true
Grow she has but the innocence stays
Memories walk in the strangest ways.

As strangers we walked the wildest dreams,
At crossroads, separate road we did pass,
Different ways, why do they then cross,
In vain I have tried my steps to retrace.

On the past

"To love,To suffer,To think is to seek poetry."



Why do two suffer, when one would suffice,

Loving in moments, a lifetime's surmise.

Watery eyes have a debt to collect,

Time will turn and love resurrect.



Too much that was pristine is ravaged,

Too little, that was precious saved,

So much is lost , so little gained,

For others folly our hearts have pained.



Hopes and dreams have had a lot to say,

Hearts bleed, staring at each passing day,

Our lives our emotions kept at a bay,

Now let them lead their lives as they may.



Of us, a lot of questions were asked,

Quiet, patient, a lot we did pass,

For others, accursed lives have we led,

Fighting the dreams, crying to the bed.

To a new hope

"To love,To suffer,To think is to seek poetry."

Why do two suffer, when one would suffice,

Loving in moments, a lifetime's surmise.

Watery eyes have a debt to collect,

Time will turn and love resurrect.

Too much that was pristine is ravaged,

Too little, that was precious saved,

So much is lost , so little gained,

For others folly our hearts have pained.

Hopes and dreams have had a lot to say,

Hearts bleed, staring at each passing day,

Our lives our emotions kept at a bay,

Now let them lead their lives as they may.

Of us, a lot of questions were asked,

Quiet, patient, a lot we did pass,

For others, accursed lives have we led,

Fighting the dreams, crying to the bed.

Today I walk

Today I walk
A shuffling gait, unsure of my path,
I have fallen , unsure in the past,
Adios o malevolence , for you will not win,
Not till I breathe.

Today I wait,
For time itself to pass ,I stand still ,
I have cried, but I was and I will,
Adios o malevolence , for I do not quit,
Not till you live.

Today I burn,
For fire itself will never be warm,
I have burnt ,but the fire burns within,
Adios o malevolence , for I do not wilt,
Not till I breathe.

Today I laugh,
For pain was never painful enough,
I have smirked, for when did pain hurt,
Adios o malevolence, for I do not kneel,
Not till you feel.

Walk on , for the winds do change,
Laugh quiet, for when did we care,
Stand still, for the time will pass,
Till the dark, where I laugh again.

Some of those

Some of these days, I will not be around,

skulking around the day,nights will come to pass,

feeding the vines,that throttle in the deeps of my heart,

Some of these nights, I will not be around.

Staring up the blues,the days will come to pass,

Some of these flowers will adorn the blight,

Walkin up the stairs, some doors will let me pass,

Some among the fields would streak in rays of light.

Some of these days, the sun will come around,

Rising above the dead, the tears would come to dry,

Slipping in her gait, with a kiss and a sigh,

Some of those moments, she will one day be around.

Facades

Of what strings are facades made,

Woven true of feelings within,

Driven deep of words not said,

In strength are such facades made.

Of what drives is a man made,

In denial lies the beneath,

In my facade does it lie,

Fears and feelings I sheath.

Of what strength lay in her,

When were such words framed,

For why were trees made to shade,

Of her were facades made!

Of what makes the lies hide,

What truth lay in the shade,

Some things were never meant,

Some things to lose in the facade.

Some say , of evil is it wrought,

For deceit comes the facade,

Within graves do secrets lie,

Of love are such wreaths made.

I chose what I am to be.

This post is in continuation to Sunset at rum point
Change is strange phenomenon.The more you resist it,the harder it is to contain.

Today I am with the sands again,alone.I sit alone with the sun going down, wondering what the next day will bring. No I am not thinking of the sunsets.With the sunsets I sit alone.The fear of a thing lasts till chance brings it to your door. Today I am afraid of the sunrise. Another new day, another sunrise for a day I can forget.Another day that has no meaning, no colors , no fragrance , no beauty. Today I sit alone with the sunset. The winds bring me the familiar musty touch. But no hair blows unto my face.

I hold unto the sands , afraid to let go of each grain. Each grain that has the indelible touch. I miss the shallow impression on the sands where she stood. I miss looking at the sun, unafraid.

I look back and I laugh, a hollow mirthless one. I laugh at the sun. I laugh at my fears.What am I afraid of?Tomorrow will be another day to live .A day I may forget coming here .A day when I may not want to spend the rest of my sunsets with anyone. But something says the lesser I come here, the harder will the scents get. Harder it will be to defy the sun. The day I stop will be the day I stop to live. I will be among those that jog across the face of the ocean and stop not to challenge the setting sun.

But I am afraid. Afraid of facing the sun alone. I am afraid of the concept of the next day. This turn I am alone. And then I realize, I have no fear of losing it tomorrow.Yes, I will come. I will miss the smell of her around me. I will miss the way the winds scattered her sandy hair all over my face. I will miss the way the sun hid behind her beautiful face. But the sun will go down and will rise tomorrow. I will live. I will face the sun and though I stand alone I will.I will not be afraid.

This day is another day. Tomorrow will end some day. No, I live not to be with her. But every evening, when I come back, I will close my eyes. And I will laugh at the setting sun. Does it have a choice? It does not! But I have. I love her. She whose scent hangs thin. But I will close my eyes and mourn her.The morning may come after the night. But the moment I close my eyes I realize I still breathe. I still love. I still live.

I am what I am, because today; I chose what I am to be.

In my mind I live

There we are.Enough is enough.To put on the colours of mourning is easy.To reach out from hell is easy enough.Some people call it strength.I call it weakness.Weakness to survive.Weakness to live.Weakness to feel pain.Some people say I do not feel it.But I enjoy it; for the memories that are with it are too valuable or let us say inseparable to erase.

In my mind I live,
In places where none belong,
Sunsets , where I live alone,
In the winds , I feel,
A touch , a smile and her.
A sunset yet to live,
The winds still musty from her,
The memories that still call,
To the winds that never die.
My bottle calls, deep I drink,
But my bottles aside,
And still I drink for her.
I dream and will i wake,
Do i want , do i dare,
Still I slumber ...half dead ...part awake.